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Monday, September 08, 2003

-----Original Message-----
From: Jonathan (Temp)
Sent: Monday, September 08, 2003 10:13 AM
To: Me (Temp)
Subject: Took one of your orders... Voxcom Security Systems. :)


-----Original Message-----
From: Me (Temp)
Sent: 10:14 AM
To: Jonathan (Temp)

Creep! How dare ye!!!!

OK, that's alright.


-----Original Message-----
From: Jonathan (Temp)
Sent: 10:38 AM
To: Me (Temp)
Subject: RE: Took one of your orders... Voxcom Security Systems. :)

Took another one... Windflower Moon-Gifts For The Spirit. :)


-----Original Message-----
From: Me (Temp)
Sent: 10:43 AM
To: Jonathan (Temp)

I wanted to do that one!

OK, OK, take it and be gone. :)-


-----Original Message-----
From: Jonathan (Temp)
Sent: 10:43 AM
To: Me (Temp)

OK, here I go... I'm begone... *puff*


-----Original Message-----
From: Me (Temp)
Sent: 10:44 AM
To: Jonathan (Temp)

Ooooh, pretty magic.


-----Original Message-----
From: Jonathan (Temp)
Sent: 11:07 AM
To: Me (Temp)

*puff* I'm back and stolen another order for Soul Designs Inc... why do you seem to have all my orders today?? Oops, gotta go! *puff*


-----Original Message-----
From: Me (Temp)
Sent: 11:08 AM
To: Jonathan (Temp)

What? What? Why...there goes Magical Jonathan again! Zipping between this and that reality!


-----Original Message-----
From: Jonathan (Temp)
Sent: Monday, September 08, 2003 11:10 AM
To: Me (Temp)

*puff* Yep, that's me! *chug* Oops... that's not right. Let me try again. *chug* Damn! Guess I'll have to wal-- *puff*


-----Original Message-----
From: Me (Temp)
Sent: 11:12 AM
To: Jonathan (Temp)

Whew! He's gone! Magical Jonathan obviously didn't realize he materialized in our realm with a big booger hanging from his nose.


-----Original Message-----
From: Jonathan (Temp)
Sent: 11:14 AM
To: Me (Temp)

You just had to go for the potty humour, didn't you? Sheesh... all that education gone to waste! :)


-----Original Message-----
From: Me (Temp)
Sent: 11:16 AM
To: Jonathan (Temp)

Well, I'll just go back to my serious highbrow self. Jeeves, my monocle! And start up the automobile, I think I will catch the evening showing of that convoluted Shaw play.


-----Original Message-----
From: Jonathan (Temp)
Sent: 11:18 AM
To: Me (Temp)

Ah... much better... reality returning to normal... now I must go back to my dimension and dance with the purple gnomes of Tal'shire Bog! *puff*



-----Original Message-----
From: Me (Temp)
Sent: 11:20 AM
To: Jonathan (Temp)

I have this online buddy from somewhere in the states and the reason I met him is because of some gnome cooking book he was talking about. I don't know how we got into talking about it but he's seen this book that tells you how to hunt & cook the little things.


-----Original Message-----
From: Jonathan (Temp)
Sent: 11:21 AM
To: Me (Temp)

I guess they could taste good... once you remove their pointy shoes and hats and shave off their beards. Still something fundamentally disturbing about doing it though.


-----Original Message-----
From: Me (Temp)
Sent: 11:24 AM
To: Jonathan (Temp)

Well, human flesh apparently tastes of pork...so we must share some genetic code with gnomes if they look so much like us. Oh, wait, I think you meant disturbing as in "cannibalism is taboo." In that case I should add that almost everything I read of faerie folk seems to suggest that they won't let themselves be so easily eaten. In fact I think we have more to fear from them...ever hear of the Japanese kappa?


-----Original Message-----
From: Jonathan (Temp)
Sent: 11:26 AM
To: Me (Temp)

Kappa... hmm... nope, never heard of it. Let me guess, does it involve gnomes with a lust for the blood of Japanese businessmen?


-----Original Message-----
From: Me (Temp)
Sent: 11:30 AM
To: Jonathan (Temp)

Kappas are green, have an indented head filled with water, live in water, and have a taste for cucumbers. Sometimes they rape, but usually they sneak up on you if you get too close to the water and rip out your anus.


-----Original Message-----
From: Jonathan (Temp)
Sent: 11:32 AM
To: Me (Temp)

Ah... the Japanese have such a wonderful sense of whimsy, don't they?? YECH!!!


-----Original Message-----
From: Me (Temp)
Sent: 11:33 AM
To: Jonathan (Temp)

So how long are you staying in our realm? What do you do in your Tal'shire Bog?


-----Original Message-----
From: Jonathan (Temp)
Sent: 11:35 AM
To: Me (Temp)

Outside of dancing with the purple gnomes? Not much... slay mutant spiders... hang out at the mall... you know... that kind of stuff!


-----Original Message-----
From: Me (Temp)
Sent: 11:36 AM
To: Jonathan (Temp)

Oh, mutant spiders? I thought spiders didn't like bog water. So what stuff can you buy at alternate realm malls?


-----Original Message-----
From: Jonathan (Temp)
Sent: 11:40 AM
To: Me (Temp)

The usual. Pan-dimensional shaving cream (spanning dimensions makes it very hard to get a close shave!), quantum sun block (in case you are travelling at the speed of light through a super nova), and all sorts of postcards and junk.


-----Original Message-----
From: Me (Temp)
Sent: 11:41 AM
To: Jonathan (Temp)

So, um, no clothes?


-----Original Message-----
From: Jonathan (Temp)
Sent: 11:46 AM
To: Me (Temp)

You mean, am I wearing any? Of course I always have my snark hide hypersuit on... oh, you mean at the mall? No no... we can't sell clothes at the mall as it attracts the spiders. We can only make clothes out of the creatures here called snarks, which are small, gooey little rodents. Unfortunately, snarks are the main food of the mutant spiders which is why we always have trouble with them. A few bleems ago, there was talk about perhaps finding something else to make our clothes out of so maybe the spiders would start to leave us alone. It was going well until the entire R & D department were eaten... so, anyhoo, that's why we do a lot of dimension jumping. Safer that way.


-----Original Message-----
From: Me (Temp)
Sent: 11:48 AM
To: Jonathan (Temp)

Ah, hence the Hunting of the Snark is based on real incidents in your realm. I always wondered what kind of animal it was. So how big are these spiders? How did they mutate? And how long is a bleem?


-----Original Message-----
From: Jonathan (Temp)
Sent: 11:53 AM
To: Me (Temp)

The spiders are about the size of a tarantula in your dimension, however they can jump huge distances (longest distance was about 57 of your kilometres) and they spit acid. They also smell really bad as they come from the less popular side of the bog. No one's sure about how they learned to jump so far and spit acid but it's just been generally accepted that if either you or I grew up on that side of the bog, we'd probably learn to do the same thing. And a bleem is approximately twenty-two chelms.


-----Original Message-----
From: Me (Temp)
Sent: 11:56 AM
To: Jonathan (Temp)

Tarantulas have blue blood! I thought about making a blue tarantula pudding...I wonder if their innards are as tasty as sea urchin gizzards. Oh, 22 chelms, but of course. So what's so bad about that side of the bog?


-----Original Message-----
From: Jonathan (Temp)
Sent: 12:01 PM
To: Me (Temp)

Well, we don't generally talk about the dark side of the bog. It's a taboo subject. It just sucks over there and we've come to accept it.

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