Saturday, January 31, 2004

The parasitic jaeger has a great name. Who wouldn't love to have their name prefixed with parasitic? (Though, being mammals, we all start off as parasitic alien spawn in our mothers' wombs, we are deprived of being called parasitic.)

The article on the parasitic jaeger refers to the birds as the winged pirates of the high seas, aerial swashbucklers, and feathered pirates.

Then my new favourite word enters the fray: kleptoparasitism (stealing food from others).

The authors ask if the parasitic jaeger, in employing kleptoparasitism as a feeding strategy, is too lazy or too clever. Personally, I see it as clever. Why should some parasitic jaeger get its feathers wet when some tern moron is willing to go hunting on its behalf?

As my father always says, the world needs idiots so that some of us can be smart. Kleptoparasitism will be my new food gathering practice. Just like the parasitic jaeger, I will hide in the parking lots of supermarkets and swoop down on unsuspecting soccer moms tending to their sullen brood. With my own deft high-speed maneuvers, the stunned soccer moms will drop their shopping bags or allow their shopping carts to roll away - allowing me to run off supplied with bulk cookies and armloads of canned artichokes.

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