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Thursday, January 15, 2004

So, Lisa described my situation today as a clusterfuck. The person responsible for this clusterfuck is an assclown. I needed to italicize and bold.

Glad to get that off my chest. Thank you.

Now, then. My heart problems are probably due to stress. But my doctor wants me to get some testing done. I love getting medical tests when I know I am completely healthy. If the heart problems continue, however, I will even get to wear a little gadget around my neck for 24 hours to monitor my heartbeat.

I also get to complain about my wisdom teeth woes. Though that might actually be a real problem. But no pain yet so I can put off surgery for a while.

*****

My mom's friend invited me over to give me something for my mother. I knew she would have dinner ready for me so I made sure I got her a present. I thought a bag of pomegranates might be suitable. Such fascinating fruit - the trap that ensnared Persephone!

At the supermarket all the pomegranates were gone. I wandered about perusing my choices. A papaya was suitably weird. The guavas looked too puny. (Usually the guava selling point is that in Chinese its name means bitch.)

A pomelo!

The biggest pomelo went into my bag.

"What is that?"

A middle-aged woman pointed to my pomelo.

"Why this is the fruit of the Gods," I answered. "And it doesn't taste at all like those horrid grapefruits."

"Oh, I hate grapefruits, too," said the woman. "Do you peel it"

I explained my method: cut it in half - the skin is about an inch thick - and peel the segments.

Then the woman wanted to know what one should look for in a pomelo. I told her I usually gamble on which is the biggest pomelo of the bunch. She thanked me for my advice.

Now I had a pomelo and a papaya for Nela. I needed one more thing. Grapes are too prosaic. Korean pears cause flatulence. The assclown ruined bananas for me. Strawberries in January are a mockery of Nature.

Then I thought, what about something complementary? Say a gourd?

I ambled over to the gourd section. Each gourd was attractive in its own way. Next to the gourds were the onions and - what have we here? The perfect wheel-like yellow onion, as large as an uncut Parmigiano Reggiano, as fragrant as a herd of lusty hogs. The perfect third gift for Nela!

Nela did have chicken cacciatore, a radicchio salad, French bread and a glass of wine ready for me. We watched hockey and Keeping Up Appearances, and discussed Michael Jackson. When I left she gave me two containers of soup, a pasta salad, a Greek salad, some couscous, fried chicken, potato salad, and an apple salad. Now I can put aside this week's grocery cabinet to replenish my vodka and fruit juice supplies.

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