Saturday, February 28, 2004

"The rule of juxtaposition, for example, explains that one ingredient will seem tasteless if it is served with another, more tasty ingredient. Conversely, the flavorful ingredient's taste will be sharpened."

Women have been applying molecular gastronomy to their lives for years. How do I know this? Because I am that tasteless ingredient - the pablum bath in which Toblerone pyramids wallow.

More scientifically, I have gathered data from my recent excursions and, plotting it on a graph, a pattern emerged. Three out of four girlfriend outings shows me to be the cracker that underlies the beluga caviar. My success, at the very least, is that I am sharpening the flavour of the flavourful ingredient: two out of the three ladies snagged a man.

The fourth girlfriend outing fell into the rule of dominance: "an ingredient with a dominant taste (a very sweet-tasting ingredient such as chocolate, for instance) must always be 'awakened' by an ingredient with another dominant taste (an acidic food, for example)." Though the truffle of the night gathered a whole gaggle of fellows about her, at the very least I had the attentions of a hook-nosed mathematician. I was that acidic orange complementing chocolate.

Future girlfriend outings will have me starring as one of the following ingredients in each pair:

Spice bread ice cream & crab syrup.

Smoked bacon & egg ice cream.

Oysters & passion-fruit jelly.

Tobacco-flavored ice cream & liquid nitrogen.

Sardines & sorbet toast.

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