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Saturday, March 06, 2004

Let's rewrite history to make it more jolly. The original bits are in bold.

"The country is in my hands!" Philippe announced on Radio Signal FM. He had ripped out Haiti's outline from the Princess Cruises route map. Crushed, Haiti then went into the recycling bin. (Jolly factor: recycling will save the planet.)

"Arrest Neptune!" the crowd chanted. The Roman God of the Sea had dallied with one Nereide too many. (Jolly factor: when the masses get involved, we can put a stop to sexual harrassment.)

Execution-style killings continued in the fetid seaside capital. Finally someone sprayed a whole can of air freshener in the seaside capital. No longer fetid, the seaside capital now entices tourists with a strawberry and pine fragrance. (Jolly factor: one person taking the initiative will jumpstart the tourist industry again.)

Asked if he would disarm if ordered, he said "We will." He then removed both of his arms and slapped them on the table. (Jolly factor: amputees commit fewer homicides.)

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