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Playing the Game 


Friday, July 23, 2004

Raspberry, dahlin':

1) if there were sixteen men on a dead man's chest, which of the men would you like best?

The one with the hook hand.

2) what do you miss most about your parents when they are away? what about the least?

Most: speaking crude Romanian. Least: their advice.

3) if you had to choose between lying to someone to spare their feelings, or telling them the truth even if you knew it could end your friendship, what would you pick?

I'd spare the feelings.

4) what is your favourite "ethnicity" of food?

Japanese. But not all this sushi crap. Japanese is so much more than just sushi. Plus, the sushi here is nothing like the sushi in Japan.

5) if you won 10mill on the lottery, what's the *first* thing you would do?

I would phone one of the people I've already designated as recipients of my largesse and very calmly tell them I just won ten million. After an incredulous, half-hearted "I beg your pardon," I would repeat, just as calmly, that I won ten million. Then, I suppose, we'd start screaming in unison.

*****

Monsieur Firemind:

1. What would you prefer: a naturally hot pink hamster or a giant one to ride on?

The giant hamster. I can see me, in Princess Mononoke makeup, astride a giant hamster, galloping through rush hour traffic.

2. What is the weirdest artifact you have ever catalogued?

Well, yesterday I handled a weird ceramic thing that looked like a bedpan.

3. What does Romanian 'Pig - Latin' sound like?

I am not familiar with pig Latin. I didn't pay much attention to those things in the playground. (I was of a more nerdy extraction.) If you tell me, I'll provide the word to be pig Latinized: purcel. Romanian for pig, it's pronounced "poor-chayl."

4. Which movie would Ani like to see? The Good, The Bad, and the Hamsterly; Ferris Hamster's Day Off; or Gnaws?

Gnawing used to happen a lot around here. If she knows what's good for her, she'd pick the Clint Eastwood movie.

5. What is the wildest dessert you have ever eaten?

The Gobi.

Yeah, that was dumb. My real answer is pear-and-camambert ice cream. I wish it was wilder.

*****

Library Leprechaun, thou lordliness who isn't calling me:

1. If you were able to invent one thing what would it be?

Devices to make tarantulas speak Spanish.

2. If you could spend the day with one person from the past who would it be?

My first choices are generally George Herriman or Tove Jansson. Yet, the more I think about it, the more I'd like to be seduced by Eugène Delacroix.

3. What is your favorite word?

Tough one. "Eh" is one of them.

4. You are being sent into space to live on a lonely outpost and can bring one book. What book would you bring?

Another one I always think about. Most people say the Bible. The complete Krazy Kat, if it ever existed, would keep me thinking. Or Ulysses.

5. You are a top general with orders take over one country and destroy it and all its inhabitants. Which country would you choose?

Again, a hard one. What country can I do without? Malta. I'd blast their sorry asses off the planet.

*****

Mental Office Imogene:

1.) Have you ever seen a painting (or statue)that made you just sit and stare for more than 5 min? What was it/Who was the artist?

Quite a number of times actually. One of my degrees is in art history.

2.) Would you live in the future or the past?

Unless I could specify where in the past, I would say the future. At least I could continue fearing a vague thing like the sun blowing up. In the past, I would immediately begin calculating what tangible threats I would face, making my stay in the past more stressful than relaxing.

3.) What planet are you? (Not what sign... I hate that BS)

Pluto: small, weird, and probably not a planet anyhow.

4.) Have you ever eaten grass... from a lawn?

Damn. I haven't.

5.) Have you ever wanted to date a cartoon character?

Please see the sidebar, under "Pet."

*****

Frank O'Ctopus:

1. why?

Because salmon swim upstream.

2. where?

In the meadow, dancing with all the little pixies.

3. when?

Well, when the crickets put down their harmonicas, for starters.

4. who?

The little strawberry stapled to the book, of course.

5. what?

The marigolds waving in the breeze.

*****

Anonymous: that was six items and they weren't even questions. But I'll answer them anyways.

1. "I do, and I also wash and iron them."
Denis Thatcher, 1981, when asked who wore the trousers in his house


I only wear trousers if they have a fine coat of fur attached to them.

2. "The great question... which I have not been able to answer, despite my 30 years of research into the feminine soul, is 'What does a woman want?'"
Sigmund Freud, psychoanalyst.


I want a sole.

5. "Why can't a woman be more like a man?"
Henry Higgins, lyric from A Hymn to Him, My Fair Lady


I manage to man the mangrove in a mannerly manner. Am I a manteau or, more simply, a manifestation of a manure-manipulating mantis?

6. "Women fail to understand how much men hate them"
Germaine Greer, The Female Eunuch


I understand that men hate themselves.

9. "Women have served all these centuries as looking-glasses possessing the magic and delicious power of reflecting the figure of man at twice its natural size."
Novelist Virginia Woolf


I am twice my natural size by sunset each day.

10. "Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage."
William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night


My parents always told me, "many a good banging makes a good marriage."

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