Animal Foetus Babies, or, Yes, I am Sick & Twisted 

Thursday, November 04, 2004

My goals for this lifetime include haunted house. This year, I realized that dream. In fact, I created two haunted houses so creepy, even I was creeped out going in there alone.

Well, I should say I was the mastermind behind the haunted houses. I did have my minions do the actual work.

Don't want to give anything away since I might recycle some ideas for next year's haunted houses, but the animal foetus babies might go mouldy, so I can give away that secret.

Inspired in part by my high school in China. The biology room was a little house just off the main campus. Inside - to my delight! - were shelves and shelves of pickling jars. Instead of paying attention in class*, I walked around to look at all the animals. Mouse, cat, dog, snake, baby pig, rat, chicken, human baby, human baby, human baby, human baby. Yes, in China, high schools have aborted human babies on display.

My interest in preserved remains lay dormant until last week.

There was Disembowelled Dino, Brainless Bobby, and Eviscerated Eddie. I took the three dinosaur stuffed animals I was going to give away to charity and ripped out their stuffing.

Dino (of Flintstones fame) simply needed an autopsy snip-snip down his belly. Stuffing comes out and you stick him in a jar, pour water over him, then a bit of tea to get that old formaldehyde look.

Brainless Bobby - a turtle now that I think of it, but a prehistoric turtle - was my coworker's work. An eye came off and the stuffing came out. The disengaged eye still hung on by a thread. Caelan said he couldn't hurt a stuffed animal in a way that was irrepairable. So he left the eye on, so Bobby could be fixed. I poked him eye into the "skull" for further gruesomeness. Then into a jar, with water and tea.

Eviscerated Eddie went much the same way. By this time, I saw a pattern. All stuffed animals are filled with some white stuff that reminds me of fibreglass. Yum!

A label maker spews out the names of the animal foetus babies in old-fashioned font, then out by the trick-or-treaters' candy and we'll see who still has an appetite. My sister said I will cause many children to seek therapy.

I thought about pictures, but that stupid Netscape File Manager is a nasty old goat.

Ah, I am one paragraph into today's NaNoWriMo writing marathon.

*I did fail at the end of the year. So it might seem I got my just desserts. However, through sheer ingenuity and the deaths of thousands, I was able to lie my way back to grade ten.

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