Lennie Hoover 

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Bumbling around the internet, this loomed:

Cat Whiskers. Does anyone out there collect cat whiskers (collected only by finding them, not by removing them from an animal!). Lennie Hoover I may be reached via E-Mail at LCHoover@email.msn.com

I immediately wrote to Lennie Hoover:

Hi Lennie,

I found your name on a collector's site
and your hobby piqued my curiosity.

How did you start in this hobby? How long have you
been collecting? How many whiskers do you have in
your collection?

How do you store your collection? I have been
puzzling over this for a while...perhaps if I took up
this hobby I might go for matchboxes lined with black

How do you recognize a cat whisker? Do cat lose them
frequently? Are different breeds' whiskers

Has anyone answered your ad on that website? Are
there other cat whisker collectors out there?

Thank you very much.


Unfortunately, Lennie no longer uses that email address and the email bounced back.

Yet, I was undaunted. I wanted to see if I could find Lennie some other way. The Nebraska Wesleyan University Athletics Hall of Fame had a Lennie Hoover, a 1984 Assistant Coach for the Men's Basketball Team. There is also a Miss Lennie Hoover out there. I am making an assumption, perhaps false, that the Lennie of the Nebraska Wesleyan Basketball Team was a man as he was coaching a men's team, making two Lennie Hoovers out there possible cat whisker collectors.

Could Mr. Lennie Hoover be the cat whisker collector? Contrary to popular belief, there exist men who like cats. If Mr. Lennie Hoover was our cat whisker collector, he would have plenty of chances to collect cat whiskers if he pet enough cats or maneuvoured himself into cat fancier circles. He remains a suspect.

Miss Hoover is across the Strait from me, in Victoria, making her a near neighbour. As she is "very active" in the Blanshard Court Community Centre, I am assuming she is an old unmarried spinster because:

a) Victoria is well-known as a haven for the elderly,
b) People have more time to volunteer after retirement,
c) Most retirees are old,
d) This Lennie Hoover is a Miss,
e) If she is a Miss, she is not married,
f) If she is old and a Miss, she is a spinster,

This leads to the following deductions:

a) If Miss Lennie Hoover is a spinster, she undoubtably collects cats, because that's what spinsters do,
b) Her cat collection would provide the subjects for her cat whisker collection.

Yet, this mention to Miss Lennie Hoover appears in a 1980 document. If Miss Lennie Hoover was an elderly cat whisker collector, would she have lived long to see the advent of the Internet, become so proficient in its workings so as to not only procure an email address but to also navigate the complexities of the web enough to find Collectors.org?

The only explanation is that Miss Lennie Hoover, if she were our cat whisker-collecting Lennie C. Hoover, is not a long-lived matriarch presiding over a kingdom of felines, but, rather, a time-travelling matriarch presiding over a kingdom of felines. To fuel her bizarre fascination with cat's whiskers (and perhaps meet a like-minded mate), Miss Lennie Hoover travelled to the future - our times - to place that ad.

More on cat whisker collecting tomorrow.

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