Revenge of the Sith 

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

I like anagrams. By mixing up the letters of one word, you get a whole new word. Dog becomes god, Santa becomes Satan. Fun stuff.

Now, then, that new Star Wars movie, Revenge of the Sith, I saw it despite not having it on my to-see list.

It was just what I expected. Lots of special effects and sets that made us go oooohhhhh.

The story was nothing too spectacular, just your usual epic sci-fi fantasy gloom and doom. Padme wore a sexy nightgown at one point. Yoda is so much cuter when he's fighting. The future Darth Vader was a good-looking boy who had everything going for him when he decided to throw it all away by becoming an American rightwing nut: "If you're not with me, you're against me!" (To which, Obi Wan Kenobi answers, "Only the Sith talk in absolutes.")

For everyone who hated Jar-Jar Binks, breathe deeply. Jar-Jar had only a small, non-speaking cameo towards the end. I personally like Jar-Jar, except I would have made him cute in a less cloying way.

The movie left me depressed. Because I believe that happily ever after is so much more preferable than shittily ever after. I felt sorry for Darth Vader and I felt even more bad that I stopped watching the second Star Wars movie (Attack of the Clones) halfway through. Now that I know that everything will go to shit for the sweet young couple, I could re-watch Attack of the Clones in its entirety and have that be the happily ever after I want for that couple.

Now for the wookies. Their planet was perfectly fake. The computer-generated landscape of tree-houses and misty lakes couldn't fool me. We loved it.

Then there was Chewbacca.

Chewbacca has always been my favourite character. He's a big and tough teddy bear. He is so strong, Yoda jumps on his arm when the going gets tough. Yet he's sensitive. The other, paternal wookie with his adult beard merely looks on when Yoda departs while Chewbacca openly shows his grief. Chewbacca even has his own sweetheart name, Chewie.

I could see myself walking down the street with Chewbacca. I think we'd make a great couple.

The only problem is, with wookie porn being so elusive, I have no idea how wookie anatomy works. For now, my Chewbacca fantasies will have to remain chaste. Yep, just me and Chewie holding hands.

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