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Zombies Attack 


Friday, July 29, 2005

In Montreal thousands of hippies assemble on Mont Royal for this drum circle called the Tam Tams. These guys with cardboard-and-duct-tape medieval weapons act out their mock battles alongside the hippies. It happens every Sunday.

One recent Sunday, a swarm of zombies emerged from the woods to attack. The medieval warriors did a double take. Then they immediately went into battle formation and fought back. Of course, it's pretty hard to kill a zombie. They just keep on reanimating.

I shoulda been there. I've been reading up on zombie-ness and preparing counter-strategies against zombie-hunters. Plus, I have an in with the legion of salsa-eating zombies (he's the zombie in the middle).

(I was in Montreal but I didn't miss the zombie attack for the reasons I initially thought. Turns out the zombies attacked a full two weeks before I arrived.)

Update:

According to Mr. Scamming the Cats, Zombiewalk 2005 takes place in Vancouver:
Usually held in Toronto, this shambling, stumbling, flailing good time will be held in Vancouver this year! Yay us! So if you have a mild obsession with Zombies (as many of my friends do), or you simply love to get rotten and yell "Braaaaiiins" at random people, then mark this one on your calendar:

Saturday, August 27 - starts 4pm from the VAG and 5pm from 15th and Sophia (near Main St).

(a month away, so you have plenty of time to plan to be there!)

The walk will start in two-stages as follows:

1. All non-lazy zombies (or "super zombies") are invited to gather on or around the big steps at the Vancouver Art Gallery no later than 4pm. From the VAG the horde will be skytrain bound. After a stumble through the mall and a short jaunt on Vancouver's fine public transit system we will de-train at Main St. station and stumble on up to the Bethlehem Lutheran Church - 320 East 15th - two blocks east of Main. Once there, we will take a short pause to collect ourselves, gnaw on brains, and meet up with...

2. The lazy zombies. A second group of zombies will gather in front of the above mentioned church (Bethlehem Lutheran, 320 East 15th, at Sophia and E 15th) at or around 5pm. Remember - zombies tend to move slowly and occasionally have problems with limbs falling off, body stiffness and possibly skytrain security officers. If you do not see any of your brethren exactly at 5pm, be patient. Mill about and look scary.

Once all zombie factions have massed at the church it will be time to head onward and uphill to Mountainview Cemetery at Fraser and 31st. For reference, the walk will proceed along Main Street to 31st should any zombie stragglers be left behind and/or spontaneous zombies wish to join the braaiiins procession.

Once at the cemetery, please be on good zombie behaviour - respect your brethren.

We will linger a short while in the cemetery before moving onwards to nearby Queen Elizabeth Park for some games, brains, fun, prizes, brains and a pinata or two.

Yes, you do have to dress like a zombie. Those who do not do so are welcome, but risk having their brains eaten by confused zombies. You have to admit - they're not all that smart, but they know a good living brain when they smell it.

Potentially useful things to keep in mind:

Causes of zombie-ness:

As everyone knows - or should know - zombies are usually
attributable to one or more of the following:

1. voodoo
2. science gone astray - chemical or biological accidents, experiments, viruses and the like
3. the apocalypse

Of course, there are many more possibilties. Be creative. Corpses in all stages of decay are encouraged.

For the low-budget zombie:

1. Oatmeal and liquid latex works wonders.
2. Food colouring and corn syrup makes convincing blood, but sticky. However, also tasty.
3. Value Village - but I'm sure it's hardly necessary to mention that.

Finally: As mentioned previously - zombies are only really effective when travelling together in large groups. Bring your friends, foes, family and other loved ones.

Nothing says you love someone quite like caking yourself in make-up, limping down the street together and eating them in the park!

Pass this info on to anyone who might be interested - it has a bit of a 'viral' feel to it, but see zombie cause number 2. It all makes perfect sense.
Luckily for those of you who don't live in Vancouver, you can live the zombie life vicariously through Zombie Eat Brains (via Bluewyvern).

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