Big Bunny 

Monday, September 26, 2005

Big rabbits thrill me. I wish big bunnies roamed the planet. I don't care if they go all Godzilla on us and mannibalize us. I WANT big bunnies to rule the earth.

Really, what is there to be afraid of? Rabbits are vegetarians. We have a lot of blackberry bushes that ecology groups spend thorny afternoons trying to eradicate. Giant bunnies would be our allies!

Yay for big bunnies!

There is a billboard in Vancouver that has a giant bunny just peeking over the edge. That bunny is just the right size of big bunny I wish would rule the earth. (And he is light brown. Light brown bunnies get extra points.)

Every time I pass that big bunny I say, "I want to kiss that big bunny."

Finally, Matt said, "I can hoist you up to the billboard and you can kiss it if you'll stop saying that."

But I don't want to kiss some dusty old billboard beside a gentleman's club. I want to kiss a real big bunny. And I want to climb on its back and telepathically ask it to attack those snooty girls in equestrian shows. My big brown bunny would agree, telepathically, and we would trample babies in strollers on the way (that never happens in movies).

On the way, me and my big bunny would loot the cupcake shop after all the customers and cupcake chefs run away in terror. The cupcake icing we don't like will be our war paint: we'll look like Braveheart Scottish warriors.

Then we'll liberate the cookie store.

Then we'll emancipate the pancake store.

Then finally we arrive at the horse barn.

There I go. Fantasizing about big bunnies again.

One of my other big bunny fantasies involves big pink bunnies.

Pink bunnies are, as everyone knows, mannibals. Worse than dingos. You don't trust them around a daycare. And don't give them jobs at the old folks home, either.

Then common sense takes a leave of absence and grannies knit a big pink bunny. It's like fusing piranhas with flying fish or messing with elephant genes to give pachyderms laser raygun eyes.

Turns out we can excuse the grannies for putting this 200-foot rabbit on Piedmont's Colletto Fava mountain. They were misled by the Viennese group, Gelatin.

The four artists who comprise Gelatin have a fondness for the taboo. You can tell from the titles of their shows: "gelatin at the shore of lake Pipi Kacka," "Golden Shower" and "Suck and Blow."

They also like fertility, running the gamut of relationship landmarks from initial interest (1999's "Hugbox") to courtship ("Le Cadeau") to full-blown declarations of love ("True LoveIV") to finally getting some ("Real Sex") to revealing unusual fetishes ("Armpit") to waning love ("Fake Sex") to futile attempts at rekindling that lovin' feeling ("Breakfast in Bed) to rage at the break-up ("Sea of Madness") to bizarre acts of revenge ("Furball").

Most tellingly, Gelatin's second show, in 1994, was titled "Flat Rabbit." Gelatin has a history with rabbits. We might even say that the fertility bent documented in their projects reflects the proclivities of the rabbit.

The 200-foot pink rabbit represents roadkill ("an innocent carcass at the roadside" according to Gelatin's press release) yet it remains a fertility symbol even in death: it gives birth to maggots ("you leave like the larva").

I like to think of the maggots flying off in bunny-moth form and breeding themselves into millions.

We can only hope this will lead to a master race of evil pink bunnies that will eat up all traces of humanity and that a new era of peace will embrace the earth.

Update: Non-Vancouverites may now fall to their knees in awe. Matt pointed out that you can see the big bunny here (he's the top bunny - imagine him being ten-feet tall).

Up-update: Matt took a picture of the big bunny beside the gentlemen's club.

I completely agree. The world would be a happier place if giant bunnies were in charge. I think we should establish a giant bunny as supreme ruler of earth. We could all worship it and bring it carrots to sate its wrath. Fear the big bunny. Ooooooh.

Can you imagine a picture of a bunny on your passport and having to make all your tax cheques payable to "The big bunny!". Cool huh?
I like your thing about us puny humans having to sate the wrath of the big bunny with carrots...bwa ha ha...hopefully the big bunny would be vegetarian. :)
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