Hamster Balls 

Monday, September 26, 2005

Hamster wheels are the lazy ass way of exercising the hamster.

Every hamster cage seems to come with a hamster wheel and most are as dangerous for hamsters as non-standard cribs are for babies. I am referring, of course, to the metal hamster wheel with spokes, into which cute tiny little hamster limbs can slip and break.

I've also seen baby hamsters flung across the cage during "baby hamster wheel-mobbing" incidents: hamster babies rush a metal-spoke hamster wheel and one baby manages to secure the wheel, starts running and attains a speed that causes the babies clinging to the outside of the wheel to lose their grip.

Hamster wheels with closed rungs are better but still a flimsy excuse for hamster exercise.

News outlets are rife these days with hamster-powered night lights (I am relieved to see that Skippy uses a safe hamster wheel though I am dismayed at the size of his cage) and hamster-powered phone chargers (good hamster wheel use in evidence).

The responsible hamster owner can achieve proper hamster exercise with the employment of a hamster ball. Insert the hamster inside, block staircases and you have a workout that challenges the hamster physically and mentally. The hamster can travel where it pleases, all while practicing eye-paw coordintation.

Hamsters are perfect pets, because unlike dogs, who are needy drama queens, and cats, who require a staff to satisfy their every whim, hamsters are rugged individualists with simple needs. They can take care of themselves. Humans, where they decide to interfere in the hamster lifestyle, need only follow a few rules to ensure their hamster survives.

Occasionally keeping an eye on the hamster ball is such a requirement. Making sure the hamster doesn't roll down the stairs or doesn't trap itself atop a heat vent - you'd think any yokel would get it.

So when Roly the hamster snubbed death on a British highway, hamsters everywhere hoped that owners learned their lesson and would keep their hamsters out of harm's way. Yet it's happened again: another hamster rolls its hamster ball onto a busy street.

Perhaps the most recent hamster was entirely responsible for his near-mishap. Perhaps hamsters are to blame for their troubles. Perhaps hamsters have a collective death wish.

That would explain how some dumb hamster managed to get herself into a sealed envelope and then into a mailbox.

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