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Top Ten List of Things I Hate 


Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Today my sister leaves for the South Seas. On a circuitous route that takes her to Asia, Australia, New Zealand and finally the island specks in the middle of the Pacific, our little sailor is extremely happy to be leaving.

Me, on the other hand, I am experiencing a dull pain around the heart. I don't know about other people; when I am sad I physically feel the pain. It's as though my heart were being smothered in a pocket of velvet.

I really hate goodbyes. Even more so now because, as my sister and I discussed, this time "we hardly argued."

She keeps telling me that she'll be back in a few months. I keep trying to think of my top ten list of things I hate more than goodbyes:
  1. Waking up to find a sock monkey beside me with a butcher's knife in its paws
  2. Groping around for the basement light and feeling a clown nose instead
  3. Opening the fridge door and seeing a roach dart across the uncovered brie
  4. Getting my head stuck in the spaces between the stairway
  5. Pulling clumps of hair from the shower drain and pulling up a dead rat along with the hair
  6. Discovering, upon biting into fruit, that a dismembered worm is wiggling about in search of its missing head
  7. Walking barefoot in the snow while wearing only pyjamas
  8. Inhaling pork fumes after a pig slaughter
  9. Accidentally stabbing myself with the neckbones of a freshly decapitated chicken
  10. Headcheese
Don't mind me. I should be ok in a day or two.

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