Bored in Melbourne? 

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

This morning, some dude from Sage, Arkansas stumbled on this site looking for "the smurfs smurfette sex pic." My curiosity piqued, I too suddenly wanted to see Smurf porn.

The internet disappointed.

Aside from Papa Smurf appraising Smurfette's blue tush, an esoteric pre-orgy blind smurf warm-up, a smurf interspecies orgy with Popeye, a badly drawn smurf family extravaganza, hankypanky on the outskirts of the Smurf Village, a Smurfette that needs to lay off the bodybuilding, the smurfs hardcore orgy and a beefcake Vanity Smurf with a hootchie mama Smurfette, there's nothing out there.

Except Smurfette in a threesome with another smurf and a sock monkey: "smurfette is always fun... she's never worn out by all the other smurfs... and one even came along to show me how she likes it!"

So I looked up Sage, Arkansas, to find out what kind of place breeds people who look up smurf sex pictures. All there is to Sage seems to be real estate offices, singles looking to meet me, moving companies and a handful of defibrillator lawyers.

A longer search pulled up Melbourne, Arkansas - is Sage a suburb of Melbourne? Melbourne is 97% white, with 1,673 people, 736 households and 448 families, almost 20% of the population is poor, according to the Wikipedia entry.

Nearby are the Blanchard Springs Caverns. Even more awesome is the Ozark Folk Centre. There you can learn to make pine needle baskets and mountain man accessories: a "possible bag" and a powder horn to go with the muzzleloader.

The Melbourne calendar of events has a Mutt Strut on April 29. Geez, and you're sitting at home looking up smurf porn!

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