Dawn of the Dead Remake 

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

*Beware: spoilers.*

The zombie genre consists of true Caribbean zombies and the Night of the Living Dead zombies, historically called ghouls. While the fear of your dead mommy rising from the dead to eat you is ancient, zombie films (and books) consistently redefine the zombie and the details of the zombie armageddon.

If you do wake up in this movie's zombie-infested world, here are ten things to keep in mind:
  1. Sleep with your contacts/glasses on, your car keys beside you and have a full tank of gas. Forget not being a morning person.
  2. Forget also zombies that react only to sight stimuli. These zombies detect humans in other ways. The Remake's first zombie attacker was a neighbour who broke in. I suspect this little girl zombie either sniffed her way in or else retained some recollection that the neighbour's house contained prey (along with the memory of opening doors - no broken window sounds alerted the sleeping prey).
  3. The delay between human death and corpse reanimation is seconds.
  4. These are fast zombies, currently in vogue. The ambling dead with which we are familiar suffer from rigor mortis, an impermanent state which covers only a 72-hour window. Fast zombies, who don't appear to enter this state, retain and often exceed human flexibility.
  5. The Remake zombies do decompose, albeit slowly. Presumably, as bacterial and fungal agents mutate into specialized zombie predators, rates of decomposition will accelerate.
  6. Unbitten human foetuses can be infected in the womb through the bitten mother's bloodstream.
  7. Zombies have exclusive taste for human flesh. Dogs and presumably other animals will survive the zombie armageddon.
  8. Zombies, in desperation, will cannibalize each other. Witness the mall sports store zombie janitor eating the entrails of a still-moving victim. The attack must have occurred long before this scene. Thus the human victim would have died minutes earlier and, given the seconds between death and reanimation, the victim would have already transformed. Yet the zombie janitor continued to eat his new compatriot.
  9. In extreme cases, a hungry zombie will eat off its own lips. Witness once more, the little girl zombie at the beginning of the film. She has bitten off her top and bottom lips.
  10. Once you are in your impregnable zombie fortress, do not leave it for the unverified safety of another sanctuary. It might turn out to be a zombie island.
If you managed to survive all the way to a mall with shatterproof doors, here's what to do:
  1. Store water in all containers in anticipation of an eventual water shutdown. Then use the mall rooftop to collect rainwater.
  2. Dump out tropical plants, use the soil to grow fruits. All malls have smoothie shops and all smoothie shops have real fruits. Pick out the seeds and plant them in anticipation of depleted food stocks. Supermarket lemons, for example, are almost all sterile, however, not exclusively so. Small-scale agriculture is a viable option.
  3. Use the remaining hours of electricity to research weapons.
  4. Create your own bows and arrows or better yet, your own crossbows. Then practice, practice, practice. From the mall rooftop, you can safely upgrade your aim while annihilating the zombies.
Does anyone else have zombie survival techniques not listed here?


After I wrote that I thought, wait, someone will tell me to read the Zombie Survival Guide. I have. But that book doesn't specifically address mall survival tactics.

WARNING Another Spoiler:

Isn't it fascinating that the remake begins at what I always considered the most horrifying scene of the original 'Night of the Living Dead' movie, with the little girl kiling and eating her mother. The opening, with the little girl zombie taking her father as the first victim, was so frightening to me that I couldn't bear to watch the rest. (I was alone at the time).
But please tell me, David, that you eventually did watch the rest.

Matt says you're really scared of zombies?
Feel free to heckle me but I'm almost 40 and spooked myself last week when I was walking home late. I live in Chicago and there are so many shadows and for some reason I started to ponder zombies. It started theoretically with "What if zombies roamed in every neighborhood but there was only one about every miles, and you never knew when you'd meet up?" Then I started thinking about how much faster zombies are nowadays... It's so stupid but I more relieved than usual to be back at my apartment. Anyway, it's fun to be scared sometimes.
That's hilarious! I am so glad I am not the only one.

I had a little imagination time while stuck in traffic last night...and I realized that if a zombie came out of nowhere I couldn't just run him over - not at the beginning of an epidemic anyway, I'd be charged with a hit and run and probably end up behind bars. For sure one of my cell mates would die and come back as a zombie during the lock-up.

Man, I am so glad zombies don't exist. In every scenario I can imagine I'd be dead.

Thank you for sharing that, Proxy Indian - I am really relieved other people think like this. :)
Proxy Indian - If you're such a glocky when it comes to your own shadow, how are you going to handle India's fine wirers and demanders?
Most local malls seem to have a House of Knives or a fantasy sword emporium. I recommend that as a source of effective anti-zombie weaponry, because swords don't run out of bullets.

Please don't forget to sharpen and test the fantasy sword you choose: some will likely be weapons-grade, most will probably be wall-grade.
Swords? Fuck that, you don't want to get up close and personal with zombies! Get a Benelli shotgun with a pistol grip and stock and a bandolier or three for spare shells.
Anonymous: Now, now. Zombie mental exercises are nothing to scoff at. It was the idea of zombies that ensured I learned how to drive a stick-shift.

Ryan: Thank you for the advice; Canadian Tire, it turns out, has guns.

Malnurtured Snay: I have no idea what those gun thingies you mentioned are, but I looked for them at Canadian Tire today.
The potential existence of Zombies has not been disproved in any manner that satisfies my tastes. I too, just as much as I look for great ‘homes’ should I ever be forced to become a vagrant, keep a handy eye out for locations that will safely withstand the forthcoming Apocalypse.

Edged weapons are excellent against Zeds, particularly the old fashioned kind. I am surprised we do not see more of this in Zombie Cinema. A hatchet is particularly nice and I would not be too scared getting up close and personal if I had a hatchet or two handy. Also, in addition to stocking up on weapons, I would highly suggest procuring armour. A human jaw, even powered by a Zed's frenzy can only shear through so much. Leather Jackets are key. Those, along with other leather garments, perhaps covered with sewn on, heavy gage metal washers, will make you reasonably protected. Motorbike helmets provide maximum protection but impair vision, consider a football helmet.
Anonymous: Regarding blades - isn't there a danger of infection from the splattering? I mean, what if you're up against 28 Days Later style zombies? Yes, I know they're not technical zombies, but still.

And I had no idea that leather is so useful.

Thanks for the tips!
Think nothing of it. It is my duty to assist others in preparing for the Zapocalypse (if only).

As for splattering, I believe that is only for mucus membranes, and as long as you are not wandering around with your nether regions exposed you only have to worry about the face. The motorbike helmet will work, or WWII gas masks (which can be bough cheaply off of eBay) will do.
How about those biohazard face masks? Or the riot gear visors? Weren't they wearing that in 28 Days Later? There was a doctor who got ebola vomit in his eyes and he resigned himself to death. I think he lived, but amazed himself.

This whole zombie infection thing makes me wonder if it isn't some AIDS fear retranslated. Zombies definitely stand in for terrorists - it seems as if they are the nexus of a lot of millennial angst - and that AIDS is still scary, on a backburner scary kind of way.
Well, just don't have sex or do anything that might cause you to require a blood transfusion.

Hmmm....Zombies as a metaphor for AIDs....I would see that as much more viable than as for terrorists. The 28 Days Later Zeds were definitely working with the fear of biological warfare, but they themselves, I don't think, could not be considered terrorist (other than literally so) metaphors. Most basically though, it is simply our fear of death and the unknown that lies therein.

Crap. I forgot about that. There you go, you have got body armour, and mucus membrane protection, as well as a shield and likely weapons. I wonder if the public get their hands on such goods.
Zombies are a thing all to possibly real. When you read up on web sites about the new things there doing with chemicals and genes its not at all improbable. In an easily created case you could just make a drug that causes advance stages of schizophrenia or make them insane, then just have it mess with the part of the brain that controls emotions (some times mudula ablangata) have them very anger and then part of the drug that makes them feel like they are always hungry. All those drugs have already been made just put them together and you basically have a zombie just not dead but would kill/attack/eat people.

Though I have never agreed with the fact that you can turn in less then a minute. If anything (real Life wise) it would take on a more virus characteristic. Thus taking hours. And be transferred through blood in the mouth eyes or open wounds.

People can be dead and come back to life. Science have shown that many people can be resuscitated even hours after they have died! But sustain Irreputable brain damage and are normally vegetables. presumably up to 1 hour of someone clinically dieing they could still awake(Most likley with out a personality or a soul) But would still have control of your basic functions the muscle memory i.e the ability to walk and to eat, and have use of some of the remaning none damaged senses. Of course even at this point memory even to short term would be impossible with the damage done to the brain which makes them quite stupid with out ability to learn evaluate calculate plain or have common sense.

In any case someone not being dead yet but was bitten that latter then becomes a zombie would have better ability of there moter functions, would be a little smarter for some time (till they decay more) and worst of all could RUN. Being fresh there muscles would have not yet decayed so a person becoming a zombie this way would be the most threatful. Of course after a while they wouldnt be able to run anymore and would limp as muscles in there legs no longer carried them not the mention the lack of nutrients or potitial possioning even of them selfs from eating rar flesh and blood.

Also its true they can die from massive trama to the brain but this isnt always true. There are many key areas. And when you study the brain you must take note of the areas to which they are useing: Moter functions, resperation,emotional and such. So damage (like bullets) to an area of the brain already dead(like the memory part) wouldnt do you much good right? Also zombies can die from bleeding to death, muscles stll need blood, as does the brain for even the smallest of function. SO ITS REALLY FUCKING STUPID THAT IN GEORGE REMEROS LAND OF THE DEAD THEY WALK UNDER WATER. I DONT CARE IF THERE DEAD THEY NEED OXYGEN CASE CLOSED.

So be prepared and research the government is crazy and has already though of many situations. Imagine a virus like this being unleashed on your enemy they kill them selfs then clean up is ez they just die out. Noone points the finger at you because there own people did the killing.

Its is entirely possible there is just some aspects that the movie would shows wrong. but ya. Be safe. good luck.
You keep forgetting the fact that they're *dead* in Romero's trilogy- er.. I guess it's not a trilogy anymore. Either way, they're dead and gone. They can function without all of their internal organs, save for the brain, so (un)naturally they do NOT need oxygen. Otherwise deflated lungs would kill them.

As for blades not running out of ammunition, I'd prefer a gun any day. Guns cause much less fatigue, less muscle use, and less energy. You go hatchet a few dozen logs or stumps in rapid succession, hard enough to crack them open, and see if you don't get tired.

For those of you who say "take off their head with a sword", take a sword out and start lopping off small tree limbs. See how long it takes for the blade to chip away, crack, or your arms to get rubbery...

In both scenarios, keep in mind, it would be much worse if the trees, logs, or stumps were trying to seize your arms, push you down or bite out your throat. No sir, I'd take a gun thank you very much. If they get close enough to attack, hit them with the gun (in an emergency). If you have a melee weapon get it out before they get to you and take a few swings, but it's a safe practice to only fight until you can make some distance between you and the enem(y/ies).

I'd personally say the best melee weapon would be a blunt object straight to their temple or frontal lobe. Otherwise, I'll stick to my rifle. I'd rather make a little noise (and be able to run from the spot before reinforcements arrive) than die trying to swing my arms around while dehydrated, overheated and hungry. Muscle cramps are a bitch when you're already tired.
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