Blame the Mother 

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

JJ1 has been described as bloodthirsty, clever, and fast. Bavarian governor Edmund Stoiber referred to him as a "problem bear." Farmers claimed the bear "enjoyed killing," because he had killed sheep without eating them. As of June 7, 2006, his kills included 30 sheep and 2 domestic rabbits.
Bruno, or JJ1, has alternately disputed the alleged charges and blamed his mother - a welfare crack whore - in the ongoing case. According to BBC News, "Bruno's mother - who is blamed for his savage behaviour - has another three cubs."

His lawyers are seeking a reduced sentence as their client is himself a victim of a tragic childhood marred by violence and a poor mother figure.

In a statement to the press, his law team spoke of lack of motherly affection, at a time when bears in Europe are almost extinct and a young bear needs parental attention. "Without a proper habitat, young bears turn to their parents for support - yet Bruno's cries for help were ignored," remarked a spokeswoman at the emotionally-charged press conference.

No word was given on the whereabouts of Bruno's father.

Germany's Spiegel Online describes JJ1's descent into crime: "he began his rampage killing sheep, chickens and rabbits and stealing honey in the Alpine border region of Germany, Austria and Italy."

The French and the Spanish, in response, greeted four Slovenian bears with "pots of honey laced with broken glass." Other Slovenian bears reported racial slurs and being told to "stop stealing jobs from the natives."

The suspect's twin brother, JJ2, is still on the lam in the Italian alps.

Oh my! Should I be afraid? Is JJ2 right now lying in wait for me on my walk home???! I'm scared...
Calling all Canadians: Question about Canadian taxes. Do non for profit organizations pay taxes? Do you pay taxes for items purchased on the internet?
Stephen: His is a continent-wide crime spree. Lock up your goats.

Anon: 1. Yes. 2. Yes
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