City of Glass Drawbacks 

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Ever since watching the fast zombies of the Dawn of the Dead remake, I've been on the lookout for possible fortresses during a zombie siege.

Yet, Douglas Coupland didn't call Vancouver the City of Glass for nothing. This city is a deathtrap when it comes to zombie evasion.

All our malls; goldfish bowls with a "Zombie Buffet Open 24 Hours" sign on the front. One of our biggest malls and funnest consumer experiences, Metrotown Mall, has a permeable parking lot with flimsy gates.

The other malls are hardly conducive to a Dawn-of-the-Dead-like materialist calm before the storm. You may as well wander down Robson during zombie armageddon with a target painted on your face.

Office buildings, houses and even warehouses all have copious amounts of windows at ground level.

My guess is that if the zombies do take over, I would break into a tall apartment block with fire escape that's locked on the ground floor - one of those stairwells, you could go into from any floor and then go out of on the ground floor, but that you can't re-enter from the ground floor.

I'd shut down the elevators, make a clean sweep of the building, throwing out zombies that have inadvertently made it in before I locked off the building, and take inventory of all the food. I'd move non-perishables to the top floor (and my personal command centre), eating refrigerated food before the zombies shut down electricity to the city.

Today I discovered that Canadian Tire - for non-Canadians, this is, at its core, a hardware store - carries guns. I thought there were no gun stores in Canada. One zombie defense problem solved.

I have no idea what Malnurtured Snay's "Benelli shotgun with a pistol grip and stock" is exactly - I still can't run into Canadian Tire and grab the first Benelli I see. I am working on this.

I figure, I can also grab a few vegetable seed packets while I detour to the Canadian Tire for zombie weapons.

It's an Italian manufactured pump-action shotgun. With the pistol grip/stock option, you've got the benefit of holding it like a handgun plus the recoil benefit of the stock against your shoulder. Shotguns are the most effective weapon to use against zombies -- since you're firing a spread of pellets as opposed to a single bullet, you've got a better chance of destroying a zombie's brain and killing it.
This is great - I had no idea what shotguns did. Thank you for putting my heart at ease. If there's ever a zombie invasion, I am in a somewhat better position to protect myself.
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