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Alles klar, Herr Kommissar? 


Sunday, October 22, 2006

Though my French Revolution phase has abated somewhat, the new Marie Antoinette movie still inspires plenty of venom in me. Perhaps it's the fact that stupid little girls who watched the movie have vandalized Wikipedia with anti-Madame du Barry vitriol that has no basis in historical fact:
The young dauphine also faced the spite of the Louis XV's mistress, Madame du Barry. Du Barry was born Jeanne Bécu, a commoner who gained the notice of nobility as a courtesan. As Marie Antoinette felt it was beneath herself to associate with such a woman, Du Barry set out to make her life as miserable as possible, beginning by turning the king against his granddaughter-in-law.
The spite of Madame du Barry? Du Barry actually went to the effort of making Marie Antoinette's life miserable? She turned Louis XV against Marie Antoinette?

Fuck that. Madame du Barry, as all historians note - including Antoinia Fraser who wrote the biography on which this movie is based - was too nice to ever hold a grudge. Madame du Barry may have been a bimbo but she was not mean.

The mean little bitch was Marie Antoinette. I'm sorry, girls, but read some history. Sofia Coppola can blame du Barry (in the film, she depicts the courtesan rolling around in bed with the king then plotting to have the Austrian princess humiliated), but Marie Antoinette's problems were of her own making.

Perhaps it's because the movie stars Kirsten Dunst, a bimbo who can't muster much more on the screen than parting her legs.

Or perhaps it's the annoying soundtrack.

Hell, I don't care if the roles all went to American and British actors. I couldn't care less that they do not speak with a French accent. But hip hop? And they dance to it?

My disgust decreased somewhat when I read another review: "Some say the biggest offender was the application of '80s pop songs—the soundtrack to her own upbringing—to an otherwise detailed period piece."

Eighties pop songs might not be so bad. Not period music, but as least bad as you can manage if you were to mix up such disparate periods.

Besides, Sofia Coppola probably couldn't resist the apocryphal story of five-year-old Mozart proposing to little Marie Antoinette. For years afterward, Marie Antoinette, an undersexed wife in France, would masturbate with Rock Me, Amadeus blaring over her squeals of joy. So many eyebrows would have been raised in Versailles. Cut to Louis XVI out hunting, frustrated, as if he could hear his wife over the soundtrack as she joins in with "Baby baby do it to me rock me".

And then, during all those times when Axel Fersen was cheating on her, poor little rich girl Marie Antoinette writes homesick letters to Schönbrunn, it's Vienna Calling:
Ohoho, operator (so alone am I)
Ohoho, operator (I need you here tonight)
Hello, oho, Vienna calling, na na na na
Hello, oho, Vienna calling, na na na na
It's too bad that Sofia Coppola ended her movie before the French Revolution because that leaves out Der Kommissar for when Marie Antoinette finally ends her life of dissipation on the scaffold.

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Comments:
do they really end the movie before the French revolution? what the heckfire is the point, then?
 
Doing the blog rounds, I see. I read your comment on the Van Metroblog dog post - I'll talk to you about that offline.

As for Revolution, we'll just have to watch the movie now, won't we? Too bad we'd (I'd) get kicked out for jeering the movie, but I think I can restrain myself until after the movie to snarl at the Dunst creature.
 
The Dunst phenomenon is a mystery to me. Why do people like her? She was on the Daily Show a few days ago, and I couldn't belive how stupid she is. And she's not even pretty. How on earth did she become the star she is?
 
So she's stupid in real life? That goes to prove her choice of roles is not just bad luck (ie. Spiderman).

I am glad I am not the only person who finds her stupid.
 
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