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Just a Little Guy Retrospective 


Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Like everyone else with an internet connection, I spend a lot of time on Cute Overload.

Then there are those days when a kitten just won't hack it.

Were you one of those nerdy kids who knew every animal in the Funk and Wagnalls Animal Encyclopedia? Did your parents order you those as-seen-on-tv Safari Cards in the Eighties? Can you tell a tarsier from a douroucouli? Did you ever describe the takir as your favourite animal at show-and-tell? If you answered Fuck, Yeah! then Just a Little Guy, the blog of cute cussing animal babies, is the blog for you.

Written and compiled by a 28-year-old dude from Brooklyn, Just a Little Guy is the nerd's Cute Overload, or the Cute Overload with Vice overtones, though, um, Just a Little Guy came first. It's just past its first birthday. Which means that Cute Overload is derivative; Cute Overload is the Just a Little Guy of the trailer park. Or something. Anyhow, the guy took his GRE and the Cute Overload girl didn't.

In the call to war against the cute animal upstart, JALG writes, "Domesticated animals. They're BRED to be cute. It's like genetically modified athletes." Whereas Cute Overload sticks to puppies and kittens, with the occasional foray into kookaburra territory, Just a Little Guy throws open a cornucopia of cuteness most of us didn't know exists. Hence the discovery of the momonga, the hamster of the Japanese woodlands. Other, deserving cute animals finally get their fifteen minutes and we all benefit.

Let's cut the editorial and get to the good stuff. At this, the first ever Just a Little Guy retrospective, the cutest, meanest Just a Little Guy blogposts are in the spotlight:

  • Penguin pooping: I bet you anything March of the Penguins and Happy Feet have nothing like this. Like one commenter put it, I'll never use toothpaste again. Furthermore, we learn that "the velocity of a penguin's shit is high enough to chip a human's front tooth."

  • The pacarana, an animal even I have never heard of, shows that other good things come from Colombia besides cocaine and paramilitary torture. The best is the third image down, scanned from the National Geographic. It's the pacarana, in his guinea pigginess, leaping straight up. And then it crashes a car. My kind of rodent!

  • A wombat, nothing more, nothing less.

  • Wombat + red panda. But the words win: "This mother giraffe actually suctions her baby's head and then catapults him into enemy territory where the lanky limby little guy goes whirling dirvish on his enemy. His little head on his long 'ol neck acts like a mace. Suckers get played when they mess with the giraffe."

  • A wombat of Ivan proportions. Great smile, buddy!

  • On Aussies groping wombats, there's fourth from the top: "Man, this wombat looks fucking laaaaaaazy, and believe me I know lazy. Some wombats are like: hold me. This one is like: cradle. I'm just going to lie here like a sack 'o' taters." Then check out the last wombat: "There is something about the bug eyed look of surprise combined with the clean hands and stethescope that has a really genuinely horrific sci-fi alien-probing unwilling-patient thing."

  • A wombat Casanova? "I don't know what his secret is but he alread managed to get her fucking jacket off and now he's working on the pants. Starting at the knee? Fuck it, dude. Whatever works."

  • The toe-spreading tapir.

  • The first momonga sighting: "I think he ganked those eyes off of some cartoon character and come to think of it, this is what it would look like if animation worked backwards and cartoons could be made real."

  • The momonga motherload: "They can fucking fly." and "Look at his big 'ol eyes and his smug little fucking grin. He knows he's cute. He knows he doesn't even have to try. Some people have it so fucking easy." The best is the swarm of momongas at the very end: "The one on the left. He looks like fucking Wolverine ready to pounce. Feel me? And his gaze is so intent. I'm creeped out. For real."

  • Beaver kittens: Canada's mascot.

  • Velcro bears: If Chief Ten Bears hasn't blogged about this, hell.

  • More velcro bears: check out the little back legs on the little dudes. Squeal! It's like they're those bathroom door icons. For Matt, a bonobo fact: "the females have evolved specially rotated pelvises so they can engage in better female-female missionary-style sex,"

  • You know that cute Edvard Munch screaming otter that Vancouverites paste on their personals ads? Here's what he's saying: "I think he's screaming about how cute he is or maybe, he's yawning cuz he's so tired from being so fucking cute all day." This makes JALG the greatest real phone sex athlete in the world.

  • Fourth down, a cute evil possum. I've only ever seen these guys dead on the centre line, probably because rednecks swerve to hit them. Yeah, you curse the world with your little Dracula hands, Mr. Possum! Then fifth down and I am sold on possums.

  • Panda Dog

  • Canada, Land of the Pika. This is why US neocons shit their beds at night when they dream of invading. Hands off. They're ours.

  • The honeybadger website link evaporated, but there's the keep on truckin' sifaka third from the bottom. "Where the sweet fuck is he going in such a funky rush. Groove on by dude!"

  • Baby squid, last photo.

  • Sloth in a box: "For god's sake. The desperation and neediness is oozing out of the corrugated sides. Does he want out or does he want YOU to come in? I don't know but what ever it is I'll do it."

  • And finally today's post, baby otters. Kind of reminds me of Tarepanda, the Japanese melting panda. As for the Xinjiang bear cub, it's Jeremy! Let's cuddle sometime, Xinjiang bear cub.

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Comments:
Can we have some more meese pictures please?
 
The commentary on the "pigs with killer tiger", and "penguin pooping" pictures had me laughing til I cried. Thanks for the good laugh.
 
What a wonderful find!

Tapirs, btw, are my favorite animal. Finally, some love to the tapirs! Pangolins are great, too. I must remember to start loving pangolins more.

I'd also like to say that you have me totally pegged. I was the kid that had the subscription to Zoobook (including the special Prehistoric series box set), and the Wildlife Fact File subscription with about 30 gigantic plastic 3-ring binders, too. And you know that every issue of Zoobook (I swear they came something like twice weekly) had a full-page poster centerfold, and like every third issue had a giant fold-out bonus poster, so you can imagine the state of my bedroom walls.

Have you seen Ugly Overload?
 
Thanks! JUST what I need! Another blog to obsess over.....
 
Anonymous: If you're nice. Or if I ever have personal time again.

Rachael: I love the pooping penguin so much. I would mop up his mess any day.

Bluewyvern: A kindred spirit! I think I had a few issues of Zoobook, if it is what I'm thinking of. In grade three and four, I even made animal cards for all the kids at school, assigning everyone an animal they could impersonate during recess (then taking the cards back when the bell rang). I was the uber-nerd, but my sister says her classmates loved recess thanks to my animal game. So it was well-received.

Ugly Overload, btw, is a brilliant find! Will add this to my subscriptions!

Broadsheet: Ugly Overload has blobfish!
 
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