The Return of My Little Pony 

Saturday, November 18, 2006

"We boys don't know what's up with those My Little Ponies. What's their secret? Do you hit a button under their genitalia and then they talk? What sex are My Little Ponies? Are they all girls?"
Unfortunately, like I can never understand knob sausage stir-fry, men will never understand the mystique of the My Little Pony.

With the advent of the Generation Three Ponies, however, there is much I myself, a once avid collector of the Generation One Ponies don't understand.

The Ponies of my youth, the Generation Ones, came out from 1982 to 1991, though I hated the Beddy-Bye Eyes, Flutter Ponies and So Soft Ponies, all which appeared in 1985. I stopped collecting soon thereafter. Also, in a fit of pre-teen stupidity, I gave away my "kid" toys to my sister, who promptly sold my pristine collection for $25 to some guy at a garage sale.

The Ponies disappeared for many years, then in 2003 they reappeared with vigour. I kind of kept away, then I got Summer Berry for Christmas last year.
Summer Berry grows so many kinds of berries in her garden, she can’t even count them all! She uses them to bake lots of yummy muffins, and then surprises her friends by bringing a basketful to eat at the beach!

This Dream Design pony is sure to catch your eye! She’s got a three-dimensional CUTIE MARK design that really stands out!

Pony figure comes with brush.

Pony's foot contains magnet.
A magnet? What the fuck? Nobody told me this before I massaged my credit cards with Summer Berry!

So many kinds of berries, she can't even count them all? Geez, what's she growing in there? Let me in - I was such an obsessive kid, I made lists of all the different kinds of berries, I was a real connoisseur of really unusual berry names: did you know that there's a thimbleberry and a nannyberry? Summer Berry, I could've catalogued your garden.

The other day, I stumbled upon the My Little Pony section in the supermarket. At only $4.97, how was I supposed to resist Twirlerina? A blue pegasus with pink shimmering wings, a pink tail and a pink mane streaked with mauve, Hasbro has this to say about her:
A royal celebration is in order, because the ponies have discovered that they are all real princesses! The fairy tale has come true for everyone!

Twirlerina was born in October and her favorite [sic] color is crimson. Her favorite [sic] gems are opals and you can usually find her taking ballet lessons!

This adorable Pegasus is perfect for adventures to your own ballet lessons and is always ready for lots of pony fun!
Now if everyone is a real princess, then aren't they all commoners?

More to the point, why would you want a pegasus around during ballet lessons? These things fly! There you are, your feet bleeding, and this flying horse-thing pretends to be en pointe, when it's cheating by hovering. Yeah, Twirlerina, the only reason I bought you is because of your pretty wings.

The biggest suckie thing about these new ponies is that there are almost no unicorns. The Generation Ones had plenty of unicorns represented along with the land ponies, the sea ponies, the baby ponies and the pegasuses. What happened to the Generation Three unicorns?

Does it have something to do with the unicorns' traditional purity? Once only virgins could attract unicorns - are all the virgins gone?

Also gone are the 2005 ponies. I only discovered the so-called Sunny Scent Ponies today when I reviewed Summer Berry's accompanying booklet. I have never seen cute little Citrus Sweetheart (white with orange hair and a yellow streak) or Apple Spice yellow with red hair and a purple streak (looks like Generation One favourite Apple Jack).

But it could be just Canada. The 2006 Generation Three Pony checklist has limited edition ponies from Taco Bueno, Target and, what Matt tells me is a white trash hangout, Family Dollar. These are all stores we don't have in Canada. I guess I missed Pumpkin Tart from Target this Halloween.

Yesterday I found myself in a supermarket, strangely alone in the My Little Pony aisle. I rummaged through the Ponies to check them out.

An early favourite was Summer Bloom, a yellow pony with pink shimmer crawling saucily up her legs.
The ponies all love pretending to be a princess. But they’re in for a surprise when they discover that, for one special pony, this fairy tale might really come true!

Summer Bloom was born in August and her favorite color is gold. Her favorite flowers are daisies and you can usually find her doing cartwheels and somersaults!

Pretty summer-colored pony has an all-over flower design! Pony figure comes with brush and bonus jewel.
Wait! I thought they were all princesses? Elitist liars.

Then I saw Silver Glow, a blue pegasus with turquoise shimmering wings and white hair streaked with blue, in a kind of reverse Bride of Frankenstein way.
The ponies all love pretending to be a princess. But they’re in for a surprise when they discover that, for one special pony, this fairy tale might really come true!

Silver Glow was born in November and her favorite color is blue. Her favorite flowers are petunias and at night you can usually find her gliding across the moonlit sky!

Dazzling pony is pretty in shades of blue! Pony figure comes with her own brush.

Wasn't Summer Bloom quite possibly the real princess among all the pretenders? Now it might be Silver Glow?

I think they're just playing with the Ponies' minds. Leading the girls astray.

At least Silver Glow likes her colour, not like Twirlerina who probably wishes she were crimson instead of her own blue. This is a good message to send out to impressionable little girls: like the body you're in and don't go having bulimia or whatever.

At last I found Royal Twist, a white land pony with pink shimmer slipping going up her legs. The spiel about her possibly being the real pony again. Darling, even if your name is Royal Twist, don't count on being the real princess.
Royal Twist was born in November and her favorite color is royal purple. Her favorite gems are sapphires and she can usually be found collecting tiaras!
Okay, okay, you pretend your favourite colour is royal purple and you can collect all the tiaras you want, girlie, but you ain't never gonna be a princess. 'Sides, princesses always marry ugly jerks. You don't want to end up with some jackass, do you?

All three ponies were just so darned cute, royal aspirations notwithstanding, that I could not resist to rearrange the shelves with the pretty trio in the front. Then I left the store.

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Maybe you "left the store", but not before taking Twirlerina with you. ;-)
I am rendered speechless.
All day as I sit here sweating it out over how to get rid of slackers in the workplace--- i cannot shake my wonderment over how you failed to mention the scooter... Evidently twirerina is not going to be able to keep up with the other ponies, and i want to know how you can allow this....

Ponies are always on the go – and the fastest way to race from one adventure to another is on their very own scooters!

Place LULABELLE pony’s helmet on her head and place her in the scooter. Load up all her gear and she’s ready to go! Pull back on the scooter, then release and watch it roll across the floor!

Pony figure comes with scooter, helmet with visor, flag, camera, bag and brush.
Okay- you have provided me with quite a good excuse not to work all day long- and I no doubt curse you for this- but look at this :


My Little Pony Butterfly Island Adventure Playset with 3 Bonus Ponies

Used & New from: $189.99

that's US dollars folks...

customer review:

What I like best is that the ponies have a magnetic foot that keeps them attached while on the rainbow or the surf board and other magnetic spots. The sky ride does not work well with the larger size ponies. We can hook it to their neck and they will go, but they are supposed to be hooked around the belly. We love the pony that comes with the scooter. I'd buy two of these next time. Older children will enjoy dressing them.
oh my.

Matt: Twirlerina smuggled herself out of the store. I did not buy or shoplift her. I don't even collect My Little Ponies any more.

Lyn: Ponies on the go need scooters? They're horses, for f***'s sake! Horses! They gallop around and pull things! Since when do they need scooters? As for Butterfly Island, yeah right. $190, my foot.

Anonymous: That's a great pony! The DIY Pony websites around the internet have other great specimens!
I am just a sucker for accouterment, what can I say....
Just think about how much you could do if your foot contained a magnet...
Will never lose my car keys again.

Hmm, could be a useful superhero power.
Ah, you're making me nostalgic! I had Baby Starflower, Cherry Treats, and Sunblossom...she was my favorite... And Cherry Treats was my least favorite. I always kind of pitied her.

I'm sure I had others, but I can't think what they looked like, and none of the others looked familiar. Hmm.

And there are male ponies...there are at least a couple of pony family sets with parents and a child. Strange, though, the father always has the exact same patterning as the mother and child. Seems slightly incestuous if you ask me.
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