Top Ten Food-Related Celebrity Vaginal Descriptions 

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

With all the recent flap about the combined crotches of Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, I am reminded of the words of Sheik Taj Aldin al-Hilali:
If you take uncovered meat and put it on the street, on the pavement, in a garden, in a park or in the backyard, without a cover and the cats eat it, is it the fault of the cat or the uncovered meat? The uncovered meat is the problem.

If the meat was covered, the cats wouldn't roam around it. If the meat is inside the fridge, they won't get it.

If the meat was in the fridge and it [the cat] smelled it, it can bang its head as much as it wants, but it's no use.
As if proving the truth of the Australian cleric's words, pervy types roam around seeking out celebrity upskirt photos.* They also tend to use similarly colourful and oddly hunger-inducing descriptions to explain the pink taco.

Thus -

The Top Ten Food-Related Celebrity Vaginal Descriptions
  1. Weathered pastrami flaps
  2. Beef curtains
  3. Pork chops
  4. Vagigantic mufflepie
  5. Taffy crotch
  6. Saggy bat wings (possibly a food source in some cultures)
  7. Bacon lips
  8. Ham wallet
  9. Oyster ditch
  10. My neighbour's mastiff (also a food source if your city is under siege)
Who knew a bunch of white middle-class kids with an internet connection have so much in common with an old Egyptian imam? Hurrah for globalization!

Collected from comments here, here, here, here and here.

*Myself included.

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While the head to twat connection may be a bit far for some to make, I could not help but be reminded of one of my favourite sites of yore, The Hats of Meat site:

If one were a vegetarian, I suppose the paintings of Georgia O'Keefe. might do.
pretty funny. i thought i had a great list of vaginal descriptions :)

happy new year!!!
Happy New Year, everyone!

Lyn: Meat hats...I was going to say reminds me of the vaginal hats that I once saw, but then I thought, hey, did I ever see vagina-shaped hats? Those Vagina Monologues must have switched a few memories on me.

Drucker: Ah, the famous O'Keefe...flowers are such a nicer way of describing female anatomy.

No Milk: These were the nicer ones. I wonder if I should have used the sun-dried dog food one.
I am totally a huge fan of the Vagigantic mufflepie. That's gonna be my new slang.
Let me know how that goes. Oh, never mind. It's lost on Japan.
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